The Hardest Lesson Part 1

Good morning! Today I wanted to share one of the hardest lessons I’ve ever had to learn. The intention for this blog is to bring you along as I get to know myself and take strides to consciously build my life (instead of unconsciously living a life that is thrown at me as I go along). The life I want to build involves giving to the world, easing the burdens of others, loving as much as possible and spreading kindness and compassion to others.

I am not perfect. Being perfect isn’t achievable and it isn’t my goal. I am not whole, though I am striving to heal and become whole. The more I heal myself and work to improve my mindset, the more I’ll be able to give. You can only give from a full cup. Right now, I’m filling it drop by drop.

I’m sharing this lesson with you because maybe someone is reading this and feels the same way I did. If that’s the case, you’re not alone and I hope this helps you.

The lesson is – My value is not equal to how someone treats me.

Growing up, I often felt unwanted. My family did the best they could, they worked hard and were exhausted. When they came home, they wanted to relax and zone out. They didn’t know what to do with this energetic 9 year old (me). The result is that I often felt ignored and unwanted. They wanted to watch television, and I wanted to talk. As time went on, I sensed their frustration/annoyance and gave up. I retreated to my room where I listened to music, taught myself to draw, and wrote in a journal. The pen and paper were always there, always ready to “listen.” So I used that to cope.

This feeling of being unwanted affecting me in many ways. I thought I DID something to make them not want me. With that logic, I believed I could DO something to MAKE them want me. I thought if I was quiet enough, did whatever they wanted, and went wherever they wanted me to go, I’d be wanted.

It has taken me many years to realize that I can’t control that. I can’t control who wants me and who doesn’t.

Also, I’m not more valuable if I’m wanted and less valuable if I’m unwanted. At my core, to become whole, I’ve got to see my value as a constant. It’s something that cannot be touched by the opinions, carelessness, and toxicity of other people.

Being wanted won’t increase my value just as being unwanted never decreased my value as a person. How has the way you’ve been treated affected you? How did you overcome it? If you feel comfortable enough to share your story, I’d be honored to hear it!

I wanted to finish this post by saying a few words about the horrific shooting in Las Vegas. I can’t imagine what the wounded and grieving families are going through right now. I wanted to share a quote from Fred (Mr.) Rogers:

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.”

In this tragedy, there have been so many stories of people helping others. People who put their life in harm’s way to help others and crowds lining up to donate blood. It reminds me, in the midst of this act of evil, that there is good in the world.

 

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